On a positive note, the production values looked pretty good.
There, now that we have gotten that out of the way, can we talk about The Shire?
In fairness I don’t think I am really the target audience, but I do have a TV and eyeballs and right now that makes me part of TEN’s target. Let’s face it, aside from an improved season of MasterChef and (the concluded but wonderful) Offspring there’s not a lot to watch on the network lately: Being Lara Bingle, Last Man Standing, The Finder, Breakfast, movie reruns, Modern Family reruns, NCIS reruns… jump in here anytime.
The Shire has copped a barrage of publicity before hitting the screen. I can’t remember the last time a show had this much press before it had even finished production. As a result, I fully expect the ratings to reflect our curiosity.
Cronulla, Sylvania Waters and its surrounds looked glorious on the small screen. There’s no racist riots here -in fact it’s a charmed life of surfing, spray tans, waterfront McMansions, cashed-up bogans, parties and a perpetual weekend. There’s no sign of a struggling middle class, no shortage of housing, and barely an elderly citizen in sight.
What it does have is plenty of pretty twenty-somethings, who by all accounts are also pretty vacant. Two of the girls wear their vanity like a badge of honour.
“I could never live without my lips,” says Vernessa – or possibly Sophie (does it really matter which?). “My goal is to make everyone in The Shire skinnier.” Over-sprayed and over-collagened, they are clearly meant to be the comic relief here. I just found them annoying.
Dashing Mitch has model looks but was happy to invite his former girlfriend Gaby to a party also attended by another ex-girlfriend. Nice. Did he at anytime think the Story Producers, hired from The Only Way is Essex, were setting him up for a love triangle gone wrong?
Beckaa-with-two-Aas is the nearest the show has to a Paris Hilton wanna-be. Flying in from Dubai where she’s just paid for a new nose (as you do), she is collected by Daddy in his limousine. “Did you miss me?” he asks. “I missed your credit card,” she answers. “Arabs like to shake… the bling bling.” This is the only time any subtext ever emerges through the screen, with awkward non-PG thoughts about Daddy and daughter now racing through my PG-timeslot mind. I have no idea where Mummy is but I think she got out while she knew what was good for her.
Just as concerningly, Beckaa-with-two-Aas has two camp pals, Kris and Stace, who don’t mind saying one thing to her face, but telling the cameras later, “She kind of looks like a pig.” Message: gay best friends are really bitches deep down. Nice #2.
Music wanna-be Rif Raf sprouts lines that are ripped straight from Angry Boys: “Emotionally disturbed bitch.. yeh bro… sick man.” Annoying #45.
Throughout the muddled, busy, set-up episode, there were endless shots of boobs and tubes, party boys who probably wandered off the set of Corey Worthington’s Facebook rave, aerial shots of sparkling estates, traffic montages and a frenzied storytelling pace. There were also too many characters, with blondes blurring into blands.
But the biggest concern was how “unnatural” everyone was.
I get that these are non-actors steered in unscripted scenarios, but boy they have no finesse in appearing relaxed. Some try too hard to ramp it up for the cameras, which lacks authenticity. Others, in particular the parents, are so awkward they don’t appear to understand the genre. Who can blame them? We might be in Sylvania Waters mum, but we’re a long way from Sylvania Waters. If we could start again as a mockumentary there may be something here…
The Shire strikes me as being suitable fodder for a foreign audience, which may well be the underlying agenda. The locations shimmered in the sun and the soft-Shine-focus. The characters are so stereotyped as to work as car-crash telly for international audiences already weaned on the genre.
But Aussie audiences will call you to account if you’re not being honest with them, and that’s where this falls down.
I struggled to find the likeable characters who will draw me back each week. Fatally, there is also no humility to be seen. I remember a nation falling in love with Marty & Jess’s romance on Big Brother, because it wasn’t manufactured. Here I doubt I will believe what is put in front of me.
The Shire will undoubtedly polarise audiences, and TEN has to hope there will be enough who are suitably appalled / amused /sucked in for it to fire. Because, like the Cronulla beach tide, there is another wave of content coming and its name is Big Brother.
The Shire airs 8pm Mondays on TEN.
Some time ago I wrote that it would be playing twice a week.
Shire has been bumped to wed night at 8pm …. the beginning of the end ?
i dont no nothing about this series and i havnt been watching it at all.. only on the aca current afairs on the issue debate on this series.
What can i say… australia is not like america style where u se ladies dress like that and guys dress like gangs… Seriously that is of another country… Australia is more nicer more smarter and defently more respectfull in a kewl way.. Not making it out wanna be american gang styles.
I dought the series will last for much longer… they will get low ratings channel ten has hit the nail again…. they could just make new things instead.. why make a dirty series.. Its all botox and such.. australians are not like that in reality… well.. defently not as high profile as these in the series thats for sure…. channel ten.. you fail my expectation im sorry.
Tonight will be the true test for Ten. How many viewers return will be interesting indeed.
This will hopefully be gone by the end of the ratings year – another great success for the shareholders of ten who must be wondering if they will ever see a dividend from the bad programming that keeps on happening at ten ……….
Perhaps it’s time for a people’s revolt and ask for ten programmers to resign ……..
Oh whatever this is clearly aimed at a younger audience…. & its the way tv shows are going. Whether it lasts the test of time thats another story. American tv has done it to death now we are on the same band wagon.
There’s so much on free tv & then there’s Foxtel.
Everything is aimed at showing more boobs & bums for ratings
Masterchef is the only reality show left worth watching & that can also stray abit.
Can I nominate this show in a logie category when the time comes around?
There doesn’t seem much point in owning a TV anymore. The ABC has lost the plot, the commercial stations have rendered any half-decent shows unwatchable by butchering them to pieces (and the un-butchered versions can be downloaded anyway). So after the Tour de France finishes next week, does anyone want to buy my Samsung 40″ LCD?
There is something contrived and artificial about this show. The characters are not credible and ACA has already exposed them as fake and trucked in from out of town. The plotlines are also lame.
Sylvania Waters in 1992 had a warm, homely credibility about it. We lived with the characters and empathised with them. It seemed real because it was. The Shire is as artificial as the Botox injected into the lead actress’s lips.
I didn’t see due to work schedules but caught the shots and read the reviews.You couldn’t sell it to the Americans not in a million years.Even Tori Spelling would find it cringeworthy against anything her late father created.
Take that Tourism Australia!
Delivered TEN the demos – isn’t that what it’s all about? They must be loving all the controversy – was that the Warbler’s plan. I’ll predict a bigger audience next week…..and some bigger boobs too
I did like the Mitch character, and felt for his ex girlfriend, but yes all the others were disgraceful.
Shortlived is my tip, very shortlived
Agree 100% with your assessment David. A great and honest review… unlike the show.
Talking about Big Brother, it seems to me like The cast of The shire are the ones Nine are rejecting for BB. It will be intersesting if viewers will watch normal people on BB or the fake ones on The Shire.
I only watched until those two Snookie wannbe’s started talking about their lips and turned back to Foxtel.
The only redeeming person I thought was Mitch. Channel 7 should hire him and cast him as a cousin to the River Boys on Home & Away.
The two Federal Liberal members whose electorates cover the shire, must be proud.
2 Stars was way too nice.
After all the “noise” and T&A and the OMG these people vote…..I wonder if it destroys what was working really well for the Ten brand – great Aussie drama like Offspring, reflecting back intelligence and humour at us? Puberty Blues looks great – but it feels like a “family” show at best, as is Reef Doctor. Masterchef is a family friendly, positive cooking show franchise, and The Project on a good night. The backlash against this might hurt all that was working. Leaving them where? It’s always a mistake to underestimate your audience. If Ten becomes totally trashy no-one will turn it on for any other reason and I think that’s a strategic error. They just raised $200M for content – hopefully not more of this. End of rant.
@ Secret Squirrel….(irony)….just being shallow….a bit like the show
This was awful, just awful. I’m in the target audience, and I love TOWIE, but this was dire. Those two botox idiots were cringe-worthy at best and I agree with everyone here about the girl and her dad – very awkward and creepy vibe going on there. I won’t be going back for a second look at this one.
@original jezza – “Loved it, babes, boobs and bums”
You’ve got the internet, right?
Your recap made my day David. I missed The Shire as it clashes with The Amazing Race. But you made me feel like I was right there watching it.
I liked The Shire. It is very interesting.
I wasn’t interested in the girls though. I was more interested in the good looking boys.
Apart from terrible casting, absolutely contrived situations and a complete lack of story, the main problem with the show is that all these characters are isolated. No one knows each other and everyone is off in their own little spaces. This was painfully clear when characters were speaking with their parents to progress the “story” rather than chatting about it with their friends. If they were all friends, or at least forced to be friends then you get interaction, story progression, conflict and drama. If anything, this just felt like vignettes.
And yes, I too felt the creepy sugar daddy vibe from the supposed rich girl. I actually thought they were dating until she said he was her father. I was so shocked I rewatched the scene again just to see if this is how a father and daughter would act. It still creeped me out. Oh, and those two plastic surgery girls need their voting rights taken away from them.
Still disturbed by the Beckaaa and Dad scene, we all thought it was the sugar daddy (first impression), especially with the touchy feely stuff. Anyone else had similar thoughts.
Am relieved it didn’t get into the top 10. Will go down next week, for sure.
You have to check out their Facebook page and look at the posts. Absolutely hilarious. Channel 10 copped an absolutely hiding from viewers last night!
As always with these reality TV shows I keep thinking that most of the people who watch them (let alone appear in them!) vote. It both explains our appalling politicians and destroys all hope of things improving anytime soon.
This is filmed in Cronulla? Look forward to the episode with Alan Jones inciting the locals to start race riots.
That would make the show more real and would definitely keep the boats from arriving.
Oh, how embarrassing
should be renamed “The Shite”
Worst TV show ever. Looking forward to next week so I can continue to tweet my disgust. Good times!
Totally scripted. Its like trashy version of MTV The Hills. All the scenes were set up, how can they pass this as reality TV?
Number two in the night for 16-39 – Ten would be doing cartwheels.
May God help you if you watched this (bleep) last night.
Why isn’t Simon in the opening credits?
Those two girls Sophie and Vernesa can’t be fair dinkum can they ? I swear they share a brain cell between them.
Perhaps some of the awkwardness with the characters will disappear as they get comfortable with the camera.
mmm…I was a little disturbed by the Beckaaa dad and daughter thing. Loved the plastic girls, however you can only love these 2 while they are young as they aint gonna age well. It did feel a bit like TT/ACA meets TOWIE though, still enough eye candy to keep me watching for now….
@Fitzah, I agree. This is instant Australia Aversion Therapy. It is bottom feeding garbage, the women are excruciatingly awful and the men are just uber boring ciphers. Also, is it my imagination, or is that extraordinary blonde woman flirting with her father in the sports car the image of Bec Hewitt, Lleyton’s wife? Here in Sydney, the Shire is already considered a laughing stock, this just makes it a hundred times worse.
I agree with you David.Over the years ive enjoyed some reality/dramality shows that have been on,so i thought id give this a go.I switched channels at about the 20 minute point.Its not for me.I found no endearing qualities in the people.I found Beckaas relationship with her daddy slightly disturbing.It was quite bizaare.I thought at first it was her ‘sugar daddy’ not her real dad(still not sure).I dont think Australian shows quite understand the concept of dramality and how to work it.There was no building up a story or getting to understand who these people are.Thumbs down from me.
lol so very true Fitzah. It was pure trash tv – loved it! Hilariously bad.
Showing this show overseas would be a good way to stop the boats!
Loved it, babes, boobs and bums