It’s got Phil Keoghan’s voice warning me that the last team to arrive may be eliminated, but the The Amazing Race app isn’t exactly the next best thing to going on the Race.

I’m disheartened. Ok, I know I’m never going to get picked to go on The Amazing Race, so I thought the official app might make me feel like I was on it.

This game, which is available for iPhone and iPad, kicks off with the trademark credits and that stirring music, before an animated Phil (with oddly big hands) is greeting me in a city somewhere in the world.

You get to choose which team you’re playing (Goths, Farmers, Hippies etc) and then before you know it you’re choosing flights and heading off to a city in another country.

But it’s the gameplay that lets this down.

There are about 14 or so poorly-explained parlour-style games, none of which have any correlation to the locale. Isn’t that the whole point of TAR? That the games reflect the culture of the destination? Here a Detour is just about stupid “Mix and Match” cards.

Then when I’m told to drive to the next clue box there’s no map for me to navigate. I just watch a taxi doing it all automatically where I face a Roadblock with another lacklustre game….. Sigh.

Sometimes I was the team in first place, yet Phil kept telling me there was another team already at the airport. Cheats!

In Sydney the destination was Sydney Harbour, and the Pit Stop was Hyde Park. But there was nothing remotely Australian about any of the games. And the Fast Forward allowed me to make-up time, unlike the show where teams are propelled straight to the finish line.

It did have animated Phil Keoghan raising his eyebrow. That was kinda cute.

As an avid viewer of the show I wanted harder challenges and navigation (they should have paid for some actual roadmaps). At least this thing was on sale at just $1.99 so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

But I still feel like I haven’t been on the Race, and it looks like I never will.