The Real Housewives of Melbourne

By David Knox on February 15, 2014 / Filed Under Reviews, Top Stories 14

2014-02-15_0100Never judge a book by its cover.

If Andrea Moss, Gina Liano, Jackie Gillies, Chyka Keebaugh, Janet Roach and Lydia Schiavello are real housewives then I’m a monkey’s uncle.

These ladies are dripping in high society bling, with cars, lear jets, plastic surgery, rock star husbands and Toorak mansions.

One of them, by her own admission, has only just moved to Melbourne. I’m not sure how many of them have had to work the school canteen lately, or fretted over an overdue electricity bill, or taken refuge in a parma night at the local because it meant one night less of trying to come up with a dinner that kept the kids happy.

But then none of that is what this show is about. It’s about seeing how the other half lives, pointing fingers, and thanking God we have not descended to their level.

The Aussie version of the Real Housewives franchise is one of only a handful of international adaptations (France, Vancouver and Athens are others). The US has already treated us to Orange County, New York City, Atlanta, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, Miami and D.C. They have attracted a legion of addicted fans, who are hooked on soapie storylines, grotesque characters, tantrums, glamour and excess. From this side of the Pacific, it’s easy to look on from a safe distance at those crazy Americans.

But the Dramality genre has struggled when produced in Australia: Being Lara Bingle, The Shire, WAG Nation, Brynne: My Bedazzled Life, The G.C. Broad audiences have been cynical about the authenticity of such shows, but there may yet be a space for them with niche audiences, especially one that has been weaned on the international predecessors.

A significant change in the local version is in casting 6 women who are ‘more’ than housewives, because they all have occupations: barrister, plastic surgery proprietor, interior designer, property developer, event management and psychic (yes, you read correctly). But they are all married to (or separated from) men with money. Lots of it.

Matchbox Pictures has cast this show extremely well. The women look and play the part to (soft) script. They turn it on for the cameras, whether as glam society gals living above their station, or as first class bitches ready for a catfight. For this show they must tick both boxes individually and as a group and that they do.

While some of the six appear to know one another as acquaintances, there are others, such as psychic Jackie Gillies (married to Silverchair drummer Ben Gillies), who are awkwardly embedded into the group. Watching one suddenly decide she needs to get a psychic reading, when in all likelihood producers have told her to, is particularly clunky. These kinds of story links to get the group together don’t feel natural and only highlight producer manipulation.

But the conflict that emerges from the six is effective dramality. There are also some amusing moments of inappropriate behaviour and language.

But there’s not nearly enough self-deprecating humour, and charm is left at the door. Australian women like Maria Venuti and Jeanne Little made careers out of being society women in entertainment, but they did it with a sense of humour.

One charity benefit for an Asian orphanage was especially hollow. Sure there was a donation offered at the end of the night with a lot of self-congratulations, but not before a lot of champagne, jewellery, frocks, gossip and plastic surgery chit chat took place in front of a huge poster of a despairing child in poverty. The visual chasm was stark.  If the end supposedly justifies the means then we all need better means than this.

While this show certainly doesn’t resemble any Melbourne that I am overly familiar with, I have no doubt that it exists. Just as it would in Sydney, Adelaide, Perth, the Gold Coast….

I will also acknowledge that this has fulfilled the Real Housewives brief rather well. If you’re a sucker for the US version, I’m tipping you will be hooked on this from the get go.

Personally, after watching two hours of this stuff my head was hurting. Empty vessels, as they say, make the most noise. I get what the show is trying to do but frankly, life is too short.

Give me scripted over softly-scripted any day. Give me fake over ‘Real’ any day.

And give me Housewives from Fountain Lakes over Housewives from Toorak every day.

The Real Housewives of Melbourne premieres 8:30pm Sunday February 23 on Arena.

14 Comments »

  1. mydoona March 6, 2014 at 1:25 pm -

    and two of them aren’t even housewives, one is single Janet (she’s been married in the past but isn’t now), the blonde one with too much botox. and one has a boyfriend overseas.Gina.

  2. pahmer March 4, 2014 at 4:07 pm -

    I fear I may lose IQ points if I tune into this show

  3. swimj February 25, 2014 at 8:19 pm -

    I loved it! But I’m a sucker for this franchise. I actually watched it a second time on Monday lol. Be interesting to know if Bravo will air it in the States.

  4. Mark W February 24, 2014 at 1:41 pm -

    The show was woeful.These self loving awfully embarrasing women make you feel yuk when watching….all they do is talk about how wonderful they are and all the jewellery and cothes they have just bought.The American shows of Housewives are heaps better and far more entertaining.

  5. laska February 19, 2014 at 11:55 am -

    awww

    I was looking forward to watching this, but now, not so much.

  6. Billy C February 17, 2014 at 2:19 pm -

    I honestly don’t know a single person who has foxtel!
    Obviously the people who do have it like this sort of show. It will be interesting to see if people find it cringey when it’s Australian, like the other shows David mentioned.

  7. TVTALK February 17, 2014 at 2:14 pm -

    Can anyone else smell that?
    It is called ‘disaster’, and this already stinks of it.

  8. Secret Squirrel February 17, 2014 at 12:17 pm -

    “Every single one of my friends” is a biased sample and not representative of the population as a whole. Unless you have 100,000 friends I doubt that this will get more than 50k and that will be too much.

  9. bradc February 16, 2014 at 11:13 pm -

    Are we taking bets on how long this lasts??

  10. hannigans_heroes February 16, 2014 at 7:55 am -

    I think this is the one dramality series that is going to succeed thanks to the franchise itself- quite literally every single one of my friends is planning on watching it either to mock it or to enjoy it. Can easily see it debuting to over 100k.

    Great review, sounds like it’s going to be a fun show and if it’s anything as good as the Vancouver international edition, we’re going to be in for a fun ride!

  11. Lucy February 15, 2014 at 2:33 pm -

    Another stellar review David! Love it : )x

  12. Jordan121 February 15, 2014 at 11:58 am -

    Can’t wait to watch :)

  13. labonce February 15, 2014 at 11:16 am -

    So is it that you dislike the genre or this particular show is a bad example of the genre?

  14. Beckala February 15, 2014 at 7:56 am -

    I don’t even remember “The G.C”!!

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